I think that God knows that we can’t handle really knowing what’s going to happen to this world.
This thought is not completely foreign to me, but it is still being tested.
I haven’t ever gotten to know this concept as well as I should and I never will, honestly, because it is so incredibly difficult to
not worry.
I know I’m not the only one going through this, and on top of that, I am not the only one going through
ignoring my worries either.
And if people ignore their worries like I do, then they are doing it because there is simply too much to handle, and they don’t know what to do with all the worries they have built up.
This is probably why Jesus was a couple bazillion steps ahead of us on this concept and told us almost as soon as he could in his life to not worry too much.
[Sidenote: Isn’t it strange to think about how involved Jesus is in even the structure and nature of our souls?
Not only does he know each one piece by piece, but he made them – he even drew up the plans!
Not coincidental at all that he would know how to fix them.
Who would you go to to fix your lightbulb: (A) Thomas Edison (B) Edgar Allen Poe.]
I was watching the news tonight which reported to America about another two natural disasters today, not to mention the ones that people are probably still fighting, like the fires in California. Now I don’t watch the news that much, but I am pretty sure I’m being accurate when I say that the last few times I’ve seen it, every single time there has been another natural disaster reported, added to an already existing one and/or some sort mixture of human fatalities. And, yes, I realize that it’s the news, and they’re supposed to report things like that, but it’s not that they’re reporting it, it’s that it’s happening. Did we really used to have another natural disaster every day when I was five? Thinking about the fate of the world is what got me started on the above thought, or I guess what got me thinking about it again, at least.
When I was in Nigeria I got to do something that not many people I know get to do. I got to ignore the extreme problems of the world first hand. I got to live surrounded by worry and sorrow in such a natural way, that I had absolutely no choice but to ignore it partly because it’s not as bad as it sounds, and partly because it is. It’s been a month since I’ve gotten back to the States, and a month before that that I wrote my last blog because I’ve been struggling with my whole experience and writing it down for you. It’s like a term paper that I don’t want to mess up; in a way the end of something, in a way, the beginning. And I’m sorry because I still can’t explain everything that happened between the last time I wrote and now. I got really sick after getting back, finally just finished taking anti-malaria pills, work full time between three jobs, try to see Richard everyday, started exercising regularly (something I’ve never done voluntarily in my life), and have gotten involved in church activities and such since I’ve been back. While I was there in the last month I experienced third-world life in a different light, took a trip to a different part of the country and then experienced Nigeria in a different light, made a difference to little kids in a more immediate way, and actually worked on projects almost every day I wasn’t packing for something. That wasn’t that hard to say, but I still feel… wrong, almost, because for a while I couldn’t get over the fact that (a) people were walking around living normal lives, ignoring the worries and extreme troubles of the world and (b) that I couldn’t walk around and have a normal life and ignore the troubles of the world like I had first hand just a little bit ago. (I think there’s just something about at least being there that makes you think you’re doing something to help.)
A friend and past teacher of mine created this ingenious adaptation from Jesus’ statement that is really only what we really need, into something that helps us to pay more attention to the original Author. He told me that perhaps God doesn’t want us to worry about the big things in life, but to just work on our faith, love, and relationships each day. Perhaps God wasn’t joking when he said that he wanted us to love our neighbor and be hard workers and faithful to him, and respectful to the government. This thought makes me want to cry with relief! I think all along I have been setting my own standard too high for what needs to be accomplished. God knows I can’t do anything all by my lonesome.
So in this long and very, very rambly, and random, and jumpy blog, I just had to tell you that God is in control. Jesus is coming soon and it makes me sad for all the people that will suffer until he does, and I want to worry about it sometimes, but God knows that I can’t handle it. So I’m writing this for my own good, to remind myself, as much as I’m writing it to you, perhaps so you can see it for the first time.
Good night world.
